Does anyone else ever get a flood of love/joy/beauty through their heart every now and then? Well, I say every now and then, but it isn’t a random thing. It happens with a thought, and just lately it’s been happening such a lot that I’m finally paying attention to it.
I’ll be driving along in my car, for example, my mind fluttering around between the necessary mundanity and the wonder of life, and bam a roll of joy will flipple-flop through my heart. Sometimes it’s so strong that I’ll lean into it and ride it for the few seconds it’s there. That’s it – it’s a wave because when the big ones happen I feel like my inner child is catching a wave and screaming wildly at the exhilaration of it. I felt one just now as I sat down at my desk to write. I opened up Spotify to put some music on, thinking let’s try this (amazingly I haven’t yet, I always write in silence). The combination of that thought and the first notes of music had me riding a ‘heart wave’.
Now should I be worried I have some kind of heart condition or have you all been feeling this the whole time and no one has ever told me? I feel like I need to create a word or phrase for it (perhaps I just did with heart wave?), because I don’t believe I’ve seen one. I suppose ‘my heart leapt’ is one way, but then I associate that with fear like when someone makes you jump. ‘My heart leapt with joy’ is closer but that seems too short; a quick leap. It doesn’t really capture the surge of bliss. I guess you could consider it a heart orgasm, but I don’t like the sexual connotations with that. Let me ask the word dinosaur (do you like what I did there?) …
Ejaculation? Urgh. Frenzy? No this is calmer than that; controlled and peaceful. Spasm? Makes me think heart attack, which would be the opposite of what I’m talking about here. Okay, I looked at antonyms for attack (I know word geek) and I got things like ‘retreat’, ‘protection’ and ‘defense’. This is getting a little closer because it brings to mind a swirling orb of protection around my heart. Actually, now I’m really dissecting this anomaly, I realise it’s not technically my heart. It’s that general area, but the feeling is happening more centrally and a little lower than where my heart beats.
This swirling orb is taking shape in my mind. When I think what colour would it be? I’m moving the word dinosaur aside and now reading about the heart chakra. I’m on to something:
“The heart chakra, or Anahata in its original Sanskrit name, colours our life with compassion, love, and beauty…the energy centre is not located where our actual heart organ lies; rather, the heart chakra is in the centre of the chest area”¹
The colour, by the way, is apparently green, although it can appear pink when active. Perhaps that’s what I’m feeling then, my heart Chakra activating and swirling pink.
Here’s some things that are associated with the heart chakra¹, which totally make sense and I can think of times I might feel this ‘surge’:
- Integration, bridge between earthly and spiritual aspirations. When I’m connecting some higher spiritual understanding (love, death, loss, loyalty) with the real immediate experience in an idea for a story or just within my thoughts.
- Transcending personal identity and limitations of the ego. Yeah, like believing perhaps I can really be creative? I can write? I can get comfy in these bones?
- Experience of unconditional love and connection with all. Moments when nature/life asserts its beauty in my day.
- Appreciation of beauty in all things. A piece of art, a piece of music, a story, a sunset, a funny gesture or a mishmash of all these things that leads to a thought that sings.
- Experiencing deep and meaningful relationships. Memories are the thing that prompts this surge – reflecting on the moments that make up my many relationships.
Whatever it is that we believe or understand about this feeling, all that really matters is that it’s happening and I’m noticing. It’s a good judge of a situation or decision – fabulous for an indecisive person. When my mind is making tentative steps towards a decision and I physically feel the swirling pink wave, I can smile and go ahead with an inner trust.
Perhaps I should stop interrogating it so closely though. Some things just need to be trusted in, without being fully understood. I’m just ecstatic that it’s here, that one day six years ago something sad happened and it made me begin to see my blessings, from that day on I counted them and they multiplied. That was the beginning of all this and now that I’m writing, as I have for the last 6 months or so, it’s as if my heart chakra is singing daily. It’s a good feeling. Perhaps I’m meant to do this.
So am I totally nuts or just slow to the table? Have you all been enjoying this candy floss feast for a while?
¹ Chakras.info, “The Heart Chakra”, http://www.chakras.info/heart-chakra/